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Archive for the 'Pregnancy' Category

Soundrels

Monday, September 4th, 2006

AyePJ has developed a very funny habit.

When the pregnancy hormones decide to move her opinion from one topic to another, or the winds of her delicate condition cause her to shift course from wanting a (cooked) turkey sandwich to wanting a McDonalds milkshake, she’ll just look at me and say “Pregnant!” in much the same way that Johnny Depp’s character would say “Pirate!” by way of explanation any time he would do anything that seemed completely against reason or fairness.

Captain Jack Sparrow would be proud.

- Zac

Barfpurse

Tuesday, August 15th, 2006

BarfPurse

The Red-E-Bag is like a Transformer for women with morning sickness pregnancy related nausea. It’s a Purse! It’s a barf receptacle! It’s a Purse! It’s a barf receptacle!

I guess one end opens up and you can hurl into a plastic bag tucked discreetly inside…a plastic bag that holds “well over 1/2 gallon of fluid.”

Oh Red-E-Bag, where were you 8 months ago?

- Zac via Thingamababy

Far be it from me…

Tuesday, August 8th, 2006

…to make fun of the way a pregnant woman looks, but let me just say that after looking at these photos of Britney Spears made me realize how much my wife has it together.

Something about the way Britney Spears is standing reminds me of a really pathetic penguin in this picture. Although I feel like I should applaud her outfit or something. Like it’s an achievement somebody of her mental capacity managed to get dressed without accidentally burning themselves on the stove.

Agreed.

- Zac

Make Way for New Life!

Monday, July 24th, 2006

Make Way for New Life!Here is the first act of a previously unreleased (NSFW, really) Ren & Stimpy cartoon where Stimpy discovers heis Pregnant.

Morning sickness, food cravings, big boobs and water breaking (complete with goldfish inside) all ensue.

- Zac

The call is coming from inside your house!

Saturday, June 17th, 2006

Kerpow!So I was thinking: if you were to come back from the Congo afflicted with some kind of condition where your abdomen would swell up to 27 times its normal size, you throw up all the time, get hearburn every time you lay down, can’t sleep, can’t get comfortable, your boobs grow to the size of a fruit stand, you get hot and irritable, you can’t focus your thoughts, your bellybutton turns inside out, you want to eat tacos with chocolate sauce, your skin breaks out, you have to pee every forty three seconds, you fart like a sailor at a frijole eating contest, and they discover that there is a parasite living inside of you, you would be put into quarantine and your awesome powers would probably be harnessed as some kind of secret military weapon.

And still, despite the fact that pregnancy is a lot like a HazMat lockdown scenario, I see no terror alerts on Fox News for this epidemic, and I have a sneaking suspicion that there may be women fitting this description in our midst…there may even be one in my home!

- Zac

In Praise of Sea Bands

Sunday, June 11th, 2006

Sea no EvilWhen PJ was in her first trimester, we were pretty much ready to try pretty much anything to stop her from throwing up. Nothing worked perfectly…small meals eaten often usually helped, eating pretzels worked too, staying away from dairy, sipping ginger ale, etc. All of these methods helped, but nothing really did the trick completely.

BorgOne day in a fit of vomit-avoidance, I bought a set of sea bands at our local drug store and I’ll be damned if they didn’t work pretty well. They look like something Bjorn Borg would have worn: wristbands with a little plastic nub on the inside, and I guess that little plastic tab uses some kind of voodoo (or possibly hoodoo) presses on your nervous system somehow and supresses the barfy feeling. I wore them for a while and I could tell there was something going on…I didn’t really feel sick beforehand, so I dunno what exactly it was doing but PJ swore it was helping, and at that stage of pregnancy, that’s worth it.

- Zac