Another Saturday, another scanner gun and a trip to a major baby retail outlet.

This week was Babies R Us and some major decisions. Finally we decided on the Graco Vienna Travel System (which is a car seat and stroller all rolled into one for any non-breeders out there). We were really hung up for a while on the folding mechanisms of the strollers, outright dismissing some models just because we weren’t in love with their dropdown and snapback ergonomics. Finally we realized that we probably wouldn’t be folding it that often (trips to the mall or for afternoons at faraway parks), so we started focusing on other features.

The Graco stroller won out due to a number of factors. The car seat seemed really solid in the stroller, it all folds up pretty well, lots of storage space, smooth handling, and a little compartment for holding plastic bags while simultaniously walking the dog. The sheep motif is a little cutesy, but Pink Floyd’s “Animals” was one of my favorite albums in college, so I figure if they liked sheep enough to write a whole song about them I can push my kid around in a stroller with sheep on it.

My mom told us from day one that “Grandma buys the car seat and stroller” (an apparent tradition in my family) which took one of the big ticket items off of the list, but we’re still in the market for a crib, a changing table/dresser, and a glider (with gildy ottoman ’cause I think those are totally sa-weet). Mom urged us to throw those things on the registry in case a bunch of people wanted to go in together, but I feel really awkward putting a $600 glider on a registry and having people think that we expect them to buy it for us (I sort of have a weird aversion to wedding and baby showers anyway, since it seems like you’re saying “We’re going through a major life event that we have taken upon ourselves…NOW GIVE US A BUNCH OF STUFF”). I’ve tried like hell to make sure that a good number of the things on our registry are under ten bucks, and I’d feel weird adding a few items that are several hundred dollars each.

That being said, if all of my uncles and aunts really wanted to go in together and get something, (saving all of my uncles a trip to shop for baby things), I can totally see how that would work out fine, and would save us some scratch at a time when we’d like to be looking after every dime.

Does anybody know what the hell I’m talking about?

I created an entry in the BabyRoadies Forum if anyone would like to give some sage advice, or you could just throw your two cents into the comments below. Or you could just buy us the Shermag Chestnut Recline & Lock Glider and save me the worry.

Thank you Innernets!!!11!!1

If attaching robotic feet to your old-timey analog crib just doesn’t cut your techno-mustard, then the Intellicot was designed with you in mind. Also, you’re probably a rich lunatic. Don’t get me wrong, I dig gadgets way more than a human should, but there’s something very ominously reminiscent of like eight-dozen different sci-fi movies about this “crib” that features automated rocking, air circulation, built-in video-monitoring, an electric lifting system and a mind-melting laser-beam that assimilates all non-believers.

So, yeah, if your baby happens to be named D.A.R.R.Y.L., then you might want to pick one of these up when they become available later this year. There’s no price on the website, but our analysts have crunched some numbers and are estimating a pricetag of three plasma screen TVs, eleven XBox360s and a year’s supply of Bell’s Oberon.

Link via Gizmodo.

Matt gave a pretty funny interview over at DrinkAtWork.com.

I will never let my child murder someone. It’s a controversial stance to take, but I’m firmly against parents letting their kids murder.

Also, no dating Capulets. Those people are filthy good-for-nothings.

Baby-Care Tips For First-Time Parents

• Wait at least three weeks before tattooing baby
• If your baby starts to choke, don’t help; allowing the infant to cough up the blockage “all-by-myself” will help tremendously in the development of his or her self-esteem
• Always store baby in a secure, locked drawer when not in use
• Prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by screaming at baby every five minutes, “Are you okay, baby?!”

Read the rest.

Looking at UglyBabyContest.com (and going to Hell for laughing) I was reminded of a story:

My stepdad worked with a guy who was originally from Cuba and this guy’s little boy was being raised by grandma during the day. Grandma only spoke Spanish, so this kid was getting a bilingual education from day one.

Well one day the dad and the kid go over to some neighbor’s house to see a newborn baby, and everybody is saying “Oh, what a cute baby” and “Isn’t that a cute face” etc.

The boy looked puzzled and said in Spanish “Daddy? Can these people speak Spanish?”

In Spanish the dad replied “No” (which in their native language is actually “No”).

Then the kid said “That is the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen in my life.”

In Spanish!

What an awesome kid! He totally knew that what he was saying was going to be offensive, and he had the wherewithall to ask his dad in a language that only they would understand, after first establishing that they were in the clear.

Anyhoo, if that baby was as ugly as any of the babies on this site, he was right.

It’s one of the best-selling albums out right now, so there’s a good chance some of you are at least thinking about picking up Jack Johnson’s Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies from the Film Curious George. We got it at the shower and gave it a listen over the weekend.

First of all, it’s a decent record. It’s 100% listenable, especially if you’re a fan of Johnson’s other work (I’m indifferent). That said, I’ve got some issues with it, particularly with what I consider to be its misleading title.

I imagine the term “lullabye” is a subjective one, but I honestly didn’t hear a single song that I would classify as a lullabye. Sure the songs are all very easygoing in traditional Jack Johnson fashion, but nothing struck me as music to sleep to.

Okay, so what about sing-a-longs? There are a pair of songs that I would definitely say are sing-a-longs, unfortunately they’re both covers, and by-the-book covers at that. Granted the choices (The White Stripes “We’re Going to Be Friends” and School House Rock’s “Three Is a Magic Number”) are good ones, but no one can make the arguments that there was anything wrong with the originals or that Johnson and company add anything new in their renditions.

Ultimately, I’m in favor of anything hinting at a trend of music made to be enjoyed by both adults and children, and I’d say it’s probably an album worth picking up if you’re a Jack Johnson devotee. However, if you’re looking for lullabies or sing-a-longs, I’d recommend Bedtime with the Beatles and The Terrible Twos, respectively.