Among the more retarded and hilarious things I’ve seen for babies is the Baby Toupee.

Please note:
Just because I’m calling it retarded does not in any way diminish the fact that I really want one.

The lil’ tyke at the left is sporting “The Donald” and on their website you can see “The Bob” (fake dreadlocks and a Rastafarian hat), “The Lil’ Kim” and the “Snakes On A Plane” tousled afro.

NPR had a really good interview with the brilliant Maurice Sendak yesterday. It would behoove you to go take a listen.

I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t realize he was still alive. Truth is, he’s alive and still writing. His first pop-up book is out now.

Two and a half weeks into it, there are several things that we’ve found very helpful that I wasn’t really anticipating.

Dr. Brown’s Bottles: These bottles have a little cylinder gadget inside them that somehow helps to direct air bubbles away from the kid when he’s feeding…I think they may be made from the same crystals that teach Superman about our Earth culture. We’ve tried a couple other bottles but these end up with the least gassy results (and that’s a good thing for many many reasons). As of right now we only have two of ‘em, so constantly washing ‘em out is becoming a chore. The ones we’ve got are 4 ouncers, but I think I want to pick up an additional four of the larger size. Plus, any infant feeding device named after Christopher Lloyd’s character in the Back To The Future movies must have some merit to it.

Lap Pads: These things are plastic waterproof pieces wrapped in fuzzy industrial flannel, about a foot-and-a-half square. They’re soft enough to go on a changing table but waterproof enough to go on a changing table. The nice thing is that you can throw ‘em in the washing machine and clean ‘em up. We use ‘em when bathing, changing, and watercoloring landscapes (he’s very advanced). While they would not seem essential to the casual observer, they make bathing and poopy diaper changing a much less laundry-intensive proposition.

Old Fashioned Cloth Diapers: No no, not to put on the kid’s butt, to use as burp cloths, spill rags and any other industrial-strength mopper-upper that you can think of. I’m talking about the kind that are all white with the double-thickness part in the middle. The kind we have are made by Gerber and full of awesome. I guess the thing I like about them is that since they’re just plain diapers, unadorned with cute bunnies or stripes or anything, you don’t mind getting ‘em totally crapped on or wiping up grape medicine with ‘em. And they come clean with a little bleach and elbow grease.

The Travel System: This is one of those deals where the car seat locks into the stroller. We’ve liked it for the obvious reason, but one thing that has totally taken us by surprise is how convenient it is to have in the living room. Any time we’re eating or cooking or just hanging out and we need both hands free, we just toss the kid into the Graco and he’s happy as a clam. This is especially nice because we have a hyper little dog, and having the kid up in the stroller keeps him out of the reach of inquisitive noses.

People Bringing Us Food: Jesus Christ I cannot stress how valuable this has been. If not for the kindness of friends, relatives and neighbors, we would be either broke from ordering out or starved to little husks that used to be people. Fresh fruit has been very nice, and meals that would freeze and re-heat are a real lifesaver. Among the most helpful has been my Dad and his Girlfriend who knew that people would come over with food, but none of those people would bring drinks, so they loaded us up with pop, beer, water and (best of all) gallons of Gatorade which has been very helpful in PJ’s recovery.

There are a million other things (The Boppy, Mylicon, Kandoo baby wipes, little bags that you use in the microwave to sterilize bottles, the tantalizing blend of ibuprofen and oxycodone), but these five take the cake so far.

Any nerd worth their salt will be agog at the cuteness of this Baby Trogdor onesie available from the Homestarrunner folks.

Anybody who is not instantly excited about this needs to get their nerd on and check out this little video of Trogdor’s origins.

McSweeny’s has a great list of acceptable and unacceptable toddler t-shirt slogans:

Acceptable

Ask me about the C-section.

More of a tit man, thanks.

Still pissed about missing the millennium.

I buried my heart at Legoland.

Waiting for Godot.

Don’t let Tony Danza touch me.

Stop the war. Already.

Stunt double for Katie Holmes’s baby.

Unacceptable

Property of Child and Family Services

Glad those stairs were carpeted.

Slap me if you love Jesus.

Not quite getting this whole “MILF” phenomenon.

I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the horn spake: I beheld even till the beast was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to the burning flame.

Daddy didn’t want me.

Ask me about the extra digit.

Grandma won’t shut up.

Thanks Dave.

Someone at this handbag website has been digging through parenting messageboards and posting the most ridiculous baby-name ideas. There are a ton of good ones, but this one is probably my favorite:

It seems to me that the name “Scatman” is a great one. you know: after semi-singer and comedian Scatman Crothers.

I keep envision having a son named Scatman. I can imagine everyone he meets saying, ‘What a cool name.’ Which is good because that way they’ll have something to like about him even if his personality is really off-putting. Or if he’s shallow or a bully when he’s like 13, when he should be getting into punk rock or something. At least they’ll think he has a hip name.

But don’t use it, cause I thought of it.

Click here and prepare to kill about two schadenfreude-filled hours.