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Archive for January, 2007

Water Sports Part 1

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007

The other night, I was in the bath with Oscar. When I lifted him out of the water for a moment, a stream of pee poured out of him into the tub. So, holding him up out of the tainted water, I called for assistance from Jackie.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“He just peed in the tub.”

“So what?”

“So the bath has pee in it now. Can you take him so I can drain it and rinse myself off?”

“It’s just a little pee,” she scoffed.

“What? Are you joking?” I asked, disgusted, as she finally relented and took the boy from my hands. She never answered, and she may very well have been joking, but if Oscar grows up with a golden showers bath fetish, I’ll know who to blame.

- Matt

Who’s the Rock Star?

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007

RockStarThe folks over at UrbanBabyRunway are selling these baby bottles that say “Rock Star” on them.

The nice thing is that they come with exchangable nipples and are top rack dishwasher safe, just like Tommy Lee.

- Zac

Thanks, honey

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007

From Sports Illustrated:

Wife induces labor so husband can go to Bears game.

My favorite line is the one that ends the article: “Mark is the couple’s second son.” Like “Oh, they already had one kid? I guess this makes sense then.”

- Zac

An Un-blemished Childhood

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

My name is Zac and I am a Baby Photoshopper.

Is it bad to Photoshop the zits and boogers off of your kid’s face before posting photos to the family website? Cropping is probably OK, right? And “Red-Eye Remover?” Where does that fall? I’m not talking about slimming 20 pounds off of Katie Couric’s ass or anything, I’m just blurring, brushing, stamping, and eyedroppering out the unpleasant bits of my kid’s childhood.

Before:

Before

After:
After
See how the terrifying “DANGER” logo from the car seat is gone? Doesn’t that make for a more aesthetically pleasing image for Grandma to see?

How about this one: Drooly, barfy, but still a cute picture, right?
Grossface

After:
Cuteface
No more drool or spit-up, cleaned up the eczema on the cheeks, now he doesn’t look like he lives pools of his own fluids every day.

Is that bad? Is it vain? Is it just utilizing of the technology available today? Or is this somehow driven by a deeper Darwinian need to prove to the world that my kid is the best?

If anybody sees Dr. Phil, have him give me a call.

- Zac

Top 5 Parental Sex Aides

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

The fellers over at DadCentric has a humorous list of the Top 5 Parental Sex Aides for 2007, and while Vaseline, Play-Doh and Grandparents are on the list, it might not be for the reasons you’re thinking of.

- Zac

So much for that idea

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

So I dunno if you ever really hit the BabyRoadies Forums…I know some folks did, and there was actually some good advice going on in there, but if you’ve seen it lately, you know that weeds have taken over the garden:

Spamalanche
So since managing the spamalanche would take us a million years, we’ve decided to abandon the forums altogether.

And while we’re on the topic, can this business model actually work? Blindly barraging a forum with nonsense and URLs in the vain hope that one in a thousand will click on your Full Tilt Poker or Dick in a Pussy Mature links? Then what? You get one one-thousandth of a CPM? Then what??!?!!? The click-through rates can’t be that lucrative. How do these fuckers sleep at night?