Archive for February, 2007


Friday, February 16th, 2007

Interior – Office Building

Matt: “What did you guys do about immunizations?”

Zac (thoughtfully): “I seem to remember getting him immunized for worms and distemper, but I may be thinking about our dog.”

Matt: “Either way, you don’t want your kid getting worms.”

Is Your Baby Sexy Enough?

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

When we become parents, we ask a lot of questions: Is it a boy or a girl? Are there ten fingers? Are there ten toes? Oh my god, there aren’t ten tongues, are there?

But once all those superficialities have passed, many of us are guilty of neglecting some of the really important issues facing our infants, namely their levels of sexiness. I shamefully admit, my son’s sexiness (or, god forbid, lack thereof) never really occurred to me until I read this:

According to the sworn affidavit written in the Bahamas on December 4, 2006, [Anna Nicole Smith's Nanny] Quethlie Alexis claims she received repeated threats from Smith, aka Vickie Marshall, to “underfeed” Dannielynn because, “Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was ‘sexy.’ Ms. Marshall knew that the correct amount of baby food was 3 ounces every 3 hours … Ms. Marshall insisted that the maximum I was to give was 2.5 ounces.” Alexis claims that Smith enforced the order by “making sure the baby monitor was kept on all the time.” Alexis adds Dannielynn “is badly underweight and not thriving, as a baby should.”

Anna Nicole was obviously thrice the parent any of you or I could ever hope to be. One more reason to mourn the loss of America’s Rose.

- Matt

Water Sports Part 2

Monday, February 12th, 2007

For the past few weeks, we’ve been taking Oscar to a nearby rec center for Saturday-morning infant swim classes. Most days it ends up being right around his nap-time, but he still seems to enjoy it. At the very least, he’s indifferent, which, with an 8 month old, is often the best you can hope for.

Oscar’s definitely holding his own against the other kids as far as cuteness goes, but I’ve found myself feeling a little threatened by this one little boy who looks a little like a shrunken-down Edward G. Robinson (I don’t mean that as an insult either; most infants look either like Edward G. Robinson or Bob Hoskins. Even the girls.). He’s actually a month or two older than Oscar, but for a 9 or 10 month-old, he’s got mad skills. He kicks and paddles like a pro, and he’ll jump into the water from a sitting position on the edge of the pool into his mom’s arms. Obviously I keep it to myself, because I’d never put that kind of pressure on Oscar (and I’m Wheezy McFatass, so who am I to talk?), but I can’t help but be in awe.

This past Saturday though, I received a bit of vindication. While we swam, I noticed Oscar holding a rubber ducky close to his face with an intense expression. He was studying it, analyzing it. And I realized, while he’s not ahead of the pack athletically, that’s because he’s an intellectual. He might not win a world series or a gold-medal, but he just might cure cancer or build a robot that eats snakes!

Actually, I’m pretty sure he was just pooping, but a father can dream.

– Matt


Sunday, February 11th, 2007

Comedy cutie Sarah Silverman was on Leno and she referenced the Mouse in Goodnight Moon as a recurring character.

Is the mouse in Goodnight Moon really supposed to be a “Where’s Waldo” kind of character? Does anyone else suspect that she was referring to Goldbug from the Richard Scarry books?

While we’re on the subject, has anyone else read “My World” by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd (the team behind Goodnight Moon)?

Man, is it crappy. Like Wise Brown read a Dr. Seuss book and said “Hmmph, I can say totally crazy shit that rhymes” and then barfed out a book.

You can have itSample prose:

My spoon.

Daddy’s spoon.

The moon belongs

To the man in the moon.

Am I just not getting it? Is this the David Lynch Film of children’s books and it’s just going way over my head?

- Zac

Ridiculous Parenting Items

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007

Fireflies In The Cloud has a great list of totally retarded parenting products, including the horrifying Zaky Pillow:

Thank you, Thing

- Zac

Where “High Fidelity” meets high chairs

Monday, February 5th, 2007

The New York Times published a fairly interesting article about hipster music for kids, and included a nice little link to a bunch of the audio they talk about including Dan Zanes, Jack Johnson and several of the Rockabye Baby tracks.

- Zac